I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
