I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
