So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
pray to the hookup gods
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize