i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
