there's paper in my vomit.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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