Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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