Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
