Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
