I puked a lego.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
