We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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