I like to think it a success when the cops are called
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
