She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
