My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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