Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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