How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
