I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
