not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
