haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
