ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
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