the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
