We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
