Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
