I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
