I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
