I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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