i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
