If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
