while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Found the puke drawer
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
