oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
