i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
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