i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
