im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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