ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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