Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
