u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize