So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
