I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
