your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
