cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize