How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
