I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Randomize
