Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
