after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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