non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
