you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize