Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
