it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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