there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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