Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
