She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
