I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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