if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
