It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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