just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
