Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
