my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
is this the sara with the beer cane?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
