you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
