No stitches, just platelets and will power
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
