he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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