feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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