wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
