he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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