Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
