was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
