I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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