When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
