My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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