He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
