i don't like sucking hair
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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