Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Randomize
