Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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