I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
this just has baby written all over it
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
