Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
